guys i'm really talking right now

this is #realtalk this is what i've learned:

1. "blessed are the forgetful"
2. you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself
3. you is kind you is smart you is important
4. if i write from my heart my soul won't be hard to find
5. moments are memories our eyes took pictures of
6. to be honest i don't really know how love works. but it works.
7. the only nature we wake up to are the tweets coming from the inside of our drawers instead of from outside our window.
8. don't be scared of the edge
9. if your mind says no your <3 is probably saying yes so do it anyways.
10. tell yourself your a champion at least once a day
11. the wee voice came back b/c your soul somehow depends on it
12. savor obscurity while it lasts b/c that's when all can be revealed to you
13. love is like tape
14. falling off a cliff is a lot like falling in love - it's all about the unknown baby
15. hipsters are indie-viduals too you know
16. maybe if i pretended i was fearless i'd become it
17. be real
18. screw everyone else and freaking live
19. "death is the greatest invention of life b/c it motivates you to live your life how you want to. It helps you follow your <3" ~ nelson
20. my bones held me up when my head & my heart said "we can't"
21. Rosa Parks & Martin Luther King Junior ily
22. my heart told me she loved me
23. taking risks is contagious
24. rogue planets got kicked out of their own galaxy
25. when i snooze i don't lose cuz i still get up
26. if i found out i was going to die i would finally start to Live
27. still trying to decide, what am i??
28. i'd rather be 97 cents than a dollar
29. how free & alive i feel at dances
30. deliberate by amy uyematsu
31. i don't care anymore
32. sometimes the silent voices make the biggest difference - RIP johnny ellis
33. reminisce: it's good for you
34. this is for you. this is for those chasing the wrong dreams
35. love people. change the world.
36. some things are not important
37. inspiration will leave you.
38. "if you want to be successful you gotta want it as much as wanting to breathe"
39. the life we have ahead of us is real & everything we've done here in HS is fake.
40. i hope we we realize we are the future before it's too late.
41. i will never sleep in my room again. and if i do it wont be the same.
42. everything is assumed.
43. have fun
44. there's so much we have to discover. there's so much nelson didn't get to teach us.
45. life is full of paradoxes.
46. we were made by a Creator. We Are Creative.
47. i need to dye my hair or kiss a boy
48. just because i have courage doesn't mean i'm not afraid.
49. i am much more than just a speck
50. i will miss this class

memories of my eyes

these are the things my eyes remember
these are the glimpses they flash back to. 

I remember her saying, 

"I have a bad habit of taking pictures of strangers because I believe you should acknowledge everyone you come in contact with." 

I remember sitting in class and watching a boy gasp for breath, hands shaking because he had just spoken in front of the class. I remember watching him and knowing what that felt like. 

I remember the family who came into Taco Amigo. 

I remember because they were on food stamps.

I remember because the mom looked at me ashamed - and I didn't know what to say.  

I remember when I wrote you a 'get well soon' card but you died before I could give it to you. 
(and it's still hanging on my magnet board in my room.) 
I remember watching the white balloons float up towards the sky I remember because the sun was shining on your little spot while someone sang towards the sun.

I remember the note I lost & never found. 

I remember when you first moved here and I made you laugh. I remember because I thought we'd be friends by now.

I remember when growing up was only a dream away.

I remember seeing kids running through the hallways with their friends.

I remember because I saw guys with their mission calls laughing at them. 

I remember seeing kids sitting alone in the hallways and refusing to look up. 
I remember feeling so overwhelmed with sympathy for them that i walked past with tears in my eyes.

When she broke up with you at the dance and you stood there as she walked away, not knowing what to do. I remember your eyes. i've never felt true love but i remember my heart breaking for you.

I remember my sweet friend at the old folks home. 
I remember visiting her room and sitting in one of her rocking chairs. 
I remember laughing with her as if I was already old, as if time had no end, as if worries weren't a thing.

I remember the wyoming night sky. 
I remember because it had never looked so beautiful and if I could, i'd go back to that moment when life was perfectily still and I could finally see Heaven. 
When there were no lights 
no homes 
no planes 
no sound.

these are the things my eyes remember

these are the glimpses they flash back to. 

these moments, these places, these people, remind me that others feel too.

i think these moments change us. 

everytime we get a glimpse into someone elses life, we get a glimpse of ourselves. 

these moments are raw. these moments are real. 

i dont even know if this is making sense to you... ---  I don't even know how to say this to you --- but it's all about theses moments; the glimpses we're privileged to see in each other. 

that's why i remember her saying, 

"I have a bad habit of taking pictures of strangers because I believe you should acknowledge everyone you come in contact with."  

because we're all intertwined in this big thing called life and these moments 

are memories that our eyes took pictures of..

and before we know it we're gone. we're dead. life's over. 

and all we saw and all we knew were those small, insignificant moments that went unnoticed by most, and noticed by some. 

so since we're all graduating and life is going by way too fast, 

~always remember this. xoxo

Blackout

How2B// a timewaster of wishing

I am currently sitting on my couch cuddling with that special someone.

<<aka me>>

And I'm trying to decide how I feel about this year..

senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year

Everyone said SENIOR YEAR would be the best yet. And it's definitely been better but not the best. 

I thought there'd be no stress. (Hahahaha) 

I underestimated senioritis but I secretly love having it...

I think i mostly waste time wishing I could be friends with people. Wasting my time stalking everybody and their dog on Instagram and wishing I was in their pictures too. 

Lame I know but it's #thetruth. 

I thought I'd make tons of new friends and hangout all the time.

I thought I wouldn't have anxiety attacks anymore. I thought I'd raise my hand more in class. 

I thought I'd be better at talking to boys and talking to people in general.

...I'm sorry, but I'm having a party of one and maybe it's the dreary weather but I'm feeling quite lame.

Idk, maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but I thought this year would be a lot different than how it's turned out. 

And don't get me wrong, I've met amazing people and I've had fun experiences but I wish I didn't wish so much. I wish I wouldn't waste my time thinking of all my regrets. But it's hard when your heart keeps yearning and your mind keeps wandering over to the unknown of what could've happened. 

Can't say why I stayed

B&W Moonshine

Crickets chirping.

The cow jumped over the moon - he missed. 

The cow jumped over the moon - he aimed too high. 

It's night. There's a guy with his hands in his pockets, a hood over his face.

All he knows is the unknown.
He reaches up to the sky, grasping only a piece of the darkness. 

Stars twinkling. 

Crickets chirping. 

There's a bar. They're all drunk, drinking their lives away because 'they aimed too high'. 

Black & white

black & white, the moon holds the world in a trance. It's rays slice through the night sky, and those still awake drink it up like moonshine. . .

Hipsters drawing crescents on their wrists. Black & white,

black & white.

Wolves howling, black & white,

black & white. 

The guy with his hands in his pockets is still walking to nowhere because someone told him he 'aimed too high' - 'he missed'.

Crickets chirping.

the littlest things

i take pride in the little things. 
but i think it's 'cause i'm always afraid of the big things.
the little things are enough to satisfy my mediocre life but 
i'm still not satisfied. 
     ~     ~      ~      
i take pride in the little things of life.
in the little things i do.
i'm proud of the fears i've overcome and the successes
that i've had but, 
i'm still not satisfied.