once a poet & I didn't even know it

found a collecton of poems from elementry school lol: 

#enjoy

Obscurity: to see or not to see

here's one of my extra 5 journal entries:

It is
                   Hard       easy

     hard

                             Easy

                          To see when you are

Glaring ~ angry

Zoning out ~ imagining

                          Crying ~ hopeless 

Sitting in the dark ~ pondering 

Driving in the rain ~ stressing 

                               

Swimming without goggles ~ exploring

Looking at the sun ~ appreciating 

                                       

Savor obscurity while it lasts 

because this is when all can be revealed to you. 

Dear You,

~ February 14th, 2014 ~

Dear You,

I've never had a boyfriend. Unless you count the boy in 2nd grade.
Haha, and I've never kissed a single soul.

But today I woke up and decided to dress nice.
You know, like actually try to get ready.
It's definitely a struggle, especially when there's no one you're trying to impress.
I even put on a pink shirt to be festive like
all the other single girls did at school.

<3 <3 <3

Mostly, I decided to dress up for you.
And I don't even know who you are.
Or where you are, or if you like sushi. (I don't like sushi)
All I know is that someday you and I will cross paths.
And on that someday we will fall in a puddle
called love.

Maybe the day we meet I'll be having the worst hair day ever.
But that won't matter.
And maybe the day we meet I'll be having the best hair day ever.
But that won't matter either.

Because love isn't based on appearance.
Love isn't based on the unimportant stuff.

And it probably won't be 'love at first sight' because
I'm not sure if love works that way.
But maybe it will.
To be honest I don't really know how love works.
But it works.

                                          

Basically I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today.

And I hope you are having a good day. 

I hope you can't wait to meet me because I can't wait to meet you.

And I'm sorry this letter isn't very good
and even though I don't know
who you are,
you make me feel dumb and amazing all at the same time
because that's how love is supposed to make you feel.

xoxo

From, Me

Today

*sighing*

because to me, 

feeling overwhelmed 

sounds much worse than 

feelig stressed.

And today,

I feel very overwhelmed. 

Little Old Me

It's hard to Imagine I was a kid once.
Sometimes I still feel like one though.

I hardly remember who I was in 7th grade
and every grade below that are
tiny fragments of memory that my parents remind me about. 

Like the time I dressed up as a mouse for Halloween,

or the time I put silly putty in my hair and my mom had to cut a chunk of my hair out.

My brain,
that I knew so little
about was able to imagine all things
and see endless possibilities.
It wasn't afraid to tell my body to be free,
to explore, to ride my bike all over the neighborhood,
to play barbies for hours on end.
School used to be fun. I loved to play kissy tag and jump rope and write stories.
In my eyes, everything I did, I did perfectly.
I breathed in everything around me,
accepted all things with open arms.

Now I'm an old fart who can barely remember
what I did at school yesterday or
where I put my keys.
These days I sit and scroll up and down my news feeds of social media.
I have goals and aspirations but
no motivation to get anything done.
My curiosity and excitement of life has
left me, and I find myself taking everything for granted.

My fear gets the best of me and 

for the past few years I've been stuck

In reality.

Now I know a lot about my brain - with the frontal and temporal lobes. 

Yet I can't pull out any clue of who I used to be; I can't find my creativity.
Seriously,
who was I when I was 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13?
More than half of my lifetime is a blur.
I wish I could go back in time
and see my old memories;
see my old self.
I click through the old pictures on my computer files and in the old photo scrap books.
I was so cute.
It's weird how all I'm striving to be
is what I used to be - pure, innocent, confident, happy, friendly, free.

I guess you could say we are all Benjamin Buttons
trying to become who we use to be.
As we grow older we become our younger selves;
less obsessed of how society tells us to be and more focused on becoming
how we used to be.
At least that's what I'm striving for.
Trying to reconnect with what we call creativity.
Trying to find little old me.

Journal of Dots & Late Night Thoughts

February 7th 2014

Today my seminary class discussed how man is nothing compared to the universe, but to God we are everything.
We talked about how we live on a medium sized planet - in an average galaxy.
With hundreds of thousands of stars that dot the night sky.
I learned that we spin at a 1000 miles per hour rotation.
And all the stars and planets we see are only a small part of this universe.
We live in 1 out of 100 million other galaxies.

When I got home from school, there was an article on KSL about a rover who took a picture of us on Mars. 

{look there's you & me}

And I loled b/c CNN quoted the obvious - it's a dot in the sky. 

I can't get over how tiny we are. If Earth is a dot then we are truly nothing compared to the universe. It's like Horton Hears a Who all over again.

We are here, we are here. I promise I am here.

February 8th 2014

Sitting with my head on the cold window as rain pours down like tears. 

And I'm thinking how crazy it is that there's more to life than just breathing and living. 

Crazy to think that I'm here on this earth and my purpose is way bigger than just sitting in the backseat of my family's suburban watching the red break lights flash in front of us.

Crazy to think that all I am is a speck in this galaxy, yet I am so much more than just a speck. Because Dr. Seuss said "a person's a person, no matter how small."

And while that rover on Mars took the snapshot of you and me, we were learning, working, driving, spending time with those we love, struggling, crying, laughing, sighing, sleeping, whining, living. 

And even though we can't see ourselves in the picture, even though our Earth is simply a dot, and we are simply specks, we are alive and we are meant to be more than a speck on our world.

February 9th 2014

"The vast expanse of eternity, the glories and mysteries of infinite space and time are all built for the benefit of ordinary mortals like you and me."

The Human Experience

I believe in this 100%

I would and I could and maybe I should write a huge long explanation about this quote but I won't. 

It's too perfect to explain. 

Read it - think about it - love it. 

Because it's a lot deeper than it sounds and it has helped me see who I am and who I am trying to become.

It has reminded me to be grateful for life's challenges and to cherish the human experience and everything that comes with it.