Little Old Me

It's hard to Imagine I was a kid once.
Sometimes I still feel like one though.

I hardly remember who I was in 7th grade
and every grade below that are
tiny fragments of memory that my parents remind me about. 

Like the time I dressed up as a mouse for Halloween,

or the time I put silly putty in my hair and my mom had to cut a chunk of my hair out.

My brain,
that I knew so little
about was able to imagine all things
and see endless possibilities.
It wasn't afraid to tell my body to be free,
to explore, to ride my bike all over the neighborhood,
to play barbies for hours on end.
School used to be fun. I loved to play kissy tag and jump rope and write stories.
In my eyes, everything I did, I did perfectly.
I breathed in everything around me,
accepted all things with open arms.

Now I'm an old fart who can barely remember
what I did at school yesterday or
where I put my keys.
These days I sit and scroll up and down my news feeds of social media.
I have goals and aspirations but
no motivation to get anything done.
My curiosity and excitement of life has
left me, and I find myself taking everything for granted.

My fear gets the best of me and 

for the past few years I've been stuck

In reality.

Now I know a lot about my brain - with the frontal and temporal lobes. 

Yet I can't pull out any clue of who I used to be; I can't find my creativity.
Seriously,
who was I when I was 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13?
More than half of my lifetime is a blur.
I wish I could go back in time
and see my old memories;
see my old self.
I click through the old pictures on my computer files and in the old photo scrap books.
I was so cute.
It's weird how all I'm striving to be
is what I used to be - pure, innocent, confident, happy, friendly, free.

I guess you could say we are all Benjamin Buttons
trying to become who we use to be.
As we grow older we become our younger selves;
less obsessed of how society tells us to be and more focused on becoming
how we used to be.
At least that's what I'm striving for.
Trying to reconnect with what we call creativity.
Trying to find little old me.