How2B// a timewaster of wishing

I am currently sitting on my couch cuddling with that special someone.

<<aka me>>

And I'm trying to decide how I feel about this year..

senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year senior year

Everyone said SENIOR YEAR would be the best yet. And it's definitely been better but not the best. 

I thought there'd be no stress. (Hahahaha) 

I underestimated senioritis but I secretly love having it...

I think i mostly waste time wishing I could be friends with people. Wasting my time stalking everybody and their dog on Instagram and wishing I was in their pictures too. 

Lame I know but it's #thetruth. 

I thought I'd make tons of new friends and hangout all the time.

I thought I wouldn't have anxiety attacks anymore. I thought I'd raise my hand more in class. 

I thought I'd be better at talking to boys and talking to people in general.

...I'm sorry, but I'm having a party of one and maybe it's the dreary weather but I'm feeling quite lame.

Idk, maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but I thought this year would be a lot different than how it's turned out. 

And don't get me wrong, I've met amazing people and I've had fun experiences but I wish I didn't wish so much. I wish I wouldn't waste my time thinking of all my regrets. But it's hard when your heart keeps yearning and your mind keeps wandering over to the unknown of what could've happened. 

Can't say why I stayed

B&W Moonshine

Crickets chirping.

The cow jumped over the moon - he missed. 

The cow jumped over the moon - he aimed too high. 

It's night. There's a guy with his hands in his pockets, a hood over his face.

All he knows is the unknown.
He reaches up to the sky, grasping only a piece of the darkness. 

Stars twinkling. 

Crickets chirping. 

There's a bar. They're all drunk, drinking their lives away because 'they aimed too high'. 

Black & white

black & white, the moon holds the world in a trance. It's rays slice through the night sky, and those still awake drink it up like moonshine. . .

Hipsters drawing crescents on their wrists. Black & white,

black & white.

Wolves howling, black & white,

black & white. 

The guy with his hands in his pockets is still walking to nowhere because someone told him he 'aimed too high' - 'he missed'.

Crickets chirping.

the littlest things

i take pride in the little things. 
but i think it's 'cause i'm always afraid of the big things.
the little things are enough to satisfy my mediocre life but 
i'm still not satisfied. 
     ~     ~      ~      
i take pride in the little things of life.
in the little things i do.
i'm proud of the fears i've overcome and the successes
that i've had but, 
i'm still not satisfied.

can't even

ugh picking someone for this #jealousy post was torture mostly because everyone is so so good at writing.

ever since the beginning of this class i have been blown away from no u turns posts. like, i can't even - - - i just can't.
So ofcourse i picked your moon post, like wow. how do you do it? Your words flow and take me to a safe place. A place where i can think and wonder.
Basically I'm jealous of all your posts but i loved how you made the moon real, made him personal to you. How he's always been there, but how frustrating he's been. i could quote the whole thing but i just really love how i can always enjoy your posts and savor the words you write because i can always relate to what you say.

"You've seen many laughs Mr. Moon, the the tears far outnumber the laughs. It has been under your watchful eye that I have crashed into a million pieces, only to be put clumsily back together again."

#screw & live people

SCREW EVERYTHING ELSE, 

I need to live. 

I just want to be free

 <before it gets to late and I'm a mom who is always stressed and regrets not living and not risking enough.>

I need to stop worrying about what might happen and start looking forward to what could happen. 

I need to stop comparing myself to others. 

I need to dye my hair or kiss a boy. 

I want to-

I should-

I could-

I just need to live because before I know it I'll be dead, and this is basically a random mini rant so you can stop reading now. 

B o n e s

In 50+ years our bones will be lying underground.

Packed under the cold, silent earth.

And as we sit dead, 

our skin deteriorates, our spirit lifts up to the sky, but our bones stay. 

Strong, they remain. 

Being the most loyal part of us. 

The last evidence that I was a person and that I had a name. 

An impact on those I met. 

To the world. 

Contributing to the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide. 

People are afraid of bones because they can't see a person's heart. 

When they see skeletons they are afraid because the empty dark crevices used to hold someone's eyes; 

someone's life. 

Yet bones are the ones who have been with us our whole lives. 

Since the day we were born. 

In my eyes, they are the ones who know us the best. 

They are old and wise 

They didn't have to learn how to think or how to love.

Yes they are silent, but they are always there. As we live, our bones may creak ever so slightly to remind us that they are there, as our supporters and our friends.

They give us strength. 

They helped me stand even when my head and my heart said, 'we can't'. 

And although my bones have broken, they've always mended themselves because they know I can't live without them. 

So doesn't it make sense for our bones to stay as the rest of us leave this world of all we've known, as a remnant of who we were?